Pariah
by Candy Crackpot
Summary: He was lost: in sorrow, in grief, in wrath, in loneliness. He had no home to return to; but at least he was no longer alone. Maybe she could understand. Katerina Campbell is an MC too but haven't found her name in the list.


This has been sitting in my drafts since forever, I sort of forgot about it actually. This is sort of a background for the characters of 35 years ago, it's a huge dump of headcanons. Writing about this reminded me of **One Republic's** _All the right moves._

Title: Pariah

Genre: Drama&Tragedy

Pairing: can be regarded as KaterinaXPast!Adam or purely platonic, it's up to you. All I have to say that I don't know jackshit about Past!Adam.

Warning: discussing marriage and abortion

Rating: T, because I'm paranoid

Time frame: 1843. The only background info you need that Europe had a lot of revolutions this time for different political reasons. If you're interested you can look it up, but it'll only be briefly mentioned, you don't need extra knowledge.

XXX

Pariah

Ripe wheat crumbled under his feet as he traversed the field, eyes fixated on the peculiar tree in its middle. Once he reached it, he placed a gloved hand on the trunk, his apathetic eyes taking in the sight. The scenery was dyed in a breathtaking hue of golden by the setting sun's last rays where the earth and sky kissed.

The climate changed immensely in the past 7000 years. Last time he passed by here there used to be a lavish forest full of life, but now this lone tree remained as a survivor of that era, surrounded by red poppies. A matusaleah. Just like him. It didn't help that the way it looked now reminded him of his long-abandoned home.

It's been 7 millennia, but he still remembered it well. The warm breeze on his brown skin, supervising the work on the fields, conducting the ceremonies, offering sacrifices of the harvest, the sound of children laughing, the smiling faces of his family… Then everything changed when _that_ appeared and led him and his family to that _tragedy_.

His other hand reached up to remove the top hat off his head, as if that would free him off his duty - it never would. Not until he fulfilled his mission. The thought sent a wave off numbness spread in his body, he didn't even notice that he dropped his top hat. His crown rolled away a good metre, bit he didn't care, he continued to gaze at the sunset.

Just how many times have he watched the sun sink under the horizon, to let the moon take over the night sky? How many thousand times had he been witness to this scene?

Without him noticing tears escaped his eyes and freely rolled down on his cheeks.

So much time has passed, yet so little progress. His family reincarnated thousand and thousand of times with new faces. Each awakening more and more painful than the other, and he still didn't have a clue where the Heart could be. He put them through so much agony, forcing them to reborn then die over and over and over again. And every time, with a new generation, they changed. Some characteristics faded, while new ones emerged, with every reboot they were slightly different. They were no longer the brothers and sisters he knew. He was the only one remaining unchanged. The only constant thing in this world.

He wondered in sickening worry if next time he'll recognise any of their original traits. Were they still be his family or just twelve strangers, who were driven mad by the Memories and joining him was their only relief of their agony?

He was tired, so tired of this long war. How he wished he could just go back to those peaceful days.

However, time had no mercy. It wouldn't just magically rewind itself - he knew he, himself was a mage after all. There was no use yearning for the past, it was nothing more than a distant memory. He had to keep walking until he cleansed the world of its evil.

He perked up hearing soft footsteps approach him, his eyes swimming to the form that bowed down to get his hat. From the clothes, he could tell it was a lady of nobility. A youthful face came into view, dark hair held together by a bonnet to accent her equally dark eyes. She had a curious expression on her face, but upon spotting the tears, she let out a gentle laugh. "You dropped this," she said as she held the hat out for him to take.

He hesitated a little, but then he took it, even if he was basically an enemy of mankind, he still considered manners important. He nodded his head to her as she took the hat. "Thank you," he replied.

She smiled understandingly as she reached into her pocket and gave him a beautifully embroidered handkerchief with the initials: K. E. C. "What are you doing here all alone?" she asked, prying gently. "Did you perhaps lost your way home?"

He once again dipped his head in thanks as he took the cloth to wipe away the moisture from his face. He had no obligation to answer… but _god_ , it's been so long since he _talked_ to a fellow human. "Something like that," he admitted vaguely.

Although even this hazy reply seemed to be enough for her. "I see," she nodded thoughtfully. "Why don't you take a little rest then? I'm sure if you stop and think it over you'll find a solution."

Adam stopped drying his eyes.

Stop and think it over? Yeah… Maybe he should do that... he wouldn't find the Heart if he runs around without purpose anyways. "...Perhaps I really should do that," he nodded, in return the woman beamed at him. "My name is Katerina Eve Campbell, how are you called, sir?"

"I'm the Duke of Millennium, Adam," he replied honestly. There was no reason to lie, by the time word spread he'd belong gone.

Katrina, unaware of his thoughts smiled at him warmly. "Then, please feel free to stay as long as you wish. You are welcome to stay here."

The man shook his head scowling lightly. "But it would ruin the name of your family if I were to live with you alone without being betrothed."

The young lady let out a small giggle. "Worry not, I do not live alone. I'm here with my brother, Cyrus."

"Please forgive me, but my answer is no, I can not like to tarnish the name of my benefactor," he insisted. "I shall find an inn. However, if you wish so, I can pay you a visit tomorrow."

A hint of something he couldn't name flashed in those onyx orbs, before she smiled again. "Alright then. Remember, the doors of Campbell mansion are always open for the lost," Ms Campbell replied as she turned to leave.

Adam watched her disappear in the golden sea, then turned to leave forever. Well, he would have, but he realised he forgot to return her handkerchief.

XXX

"Good afternoon," Katerina greeted cheerfully, clearly glad to see him again.

"Good afternoon," Adam returned the pleasantry. "You really shouldn't hand out your handkerchief to strangers, Miss Campbell." He chided lightly as he presented the washed and ironed cloth.

Katerina beamed at him as she put it away. "But my good sir, it's the duty of my family to aid those in need."

That picked the Earl's interest. "What do you mean, young miss?"

"My family is well known for serving the ruler as priests and scientists," she replied. "You seem to be coming from a long way, so as the daughter of the Campbell house that serves God, I'd like to welcome you to this land."

At first the word Innocence flashed in his mind, but then Adam remembered. The Catholic Church was strong within this area and rural people tended to be more religious and the Bible did say to take in strangers. She probably meant that, the likelihood of Innocence being here was low.

"Thank you, Miss, I'm grateful."

"But of course," She smiled at him. "If I may ask, how did you end up here, good sir? We're far away from any city, I find it unlikely that you ended up here on accident."

Was she implying that this was the work of fate? How incredibly naive. "I was walking by your property, but then I saw this tree and I just couldn't help my curiosity. It has neither leaves nor fruit, yet it continues to live on its own. It's fascinating."

"Ah, you have a good eye. This tree is special," Katerina complimented. "According to the folklore, there used to be a great forest here when our ancestors settled. It was before the time of Catholicism. People of the past offered sacrifices for this tree, people attribute it to those offerings that it lived this long. This tree is considered sacred."

"Even though it bears no fruit?"

She smiled at that. "Bearing fruit is not the only usefulness of a tree. People might consider this tree useless, however many other living things benefit from this matusaleah. Look at the small buds growing from the ground. Probably more poppies. Pretty things. The tree sheds just enough shadow for them to feel comfortable. They'll be blooming in a few days." She shuddered as a particularly cold rush of wind blew through the field. She sent Adam an apologetic smile. "Forgive me, but the weather is turning bad, I shall return inside. Would you like a cup of tea with me?"

Adam knew he really shouldn't indulge with this woman, he already gave her back the handkerchief. But… tea. He cursed his sweet tooth. "Not now. I myself have to return to my lodging. I'm expected."

"Oh," was the disappointed answer, but she was quick to smile at him again. "Well then let's have a picnic tomorrow, shall we? Our cook has great pies."

After turning down her previous offer to stay he really couldn't decline this one. "Very well. I'll bring some biscuits myself."

Katerina positively beamed at him. "Excellent! I can hardly wait. Have a good night and see you tomorrow."

Adam raised his hat for her. "So be it."

Katerina's skirt swished as he spun around, a small ribbon fell off by the movement. Adam reached to pick it up and return to her, but by the time he looked up she was gone.

XXX

The next day he visited the matusaleah tree again. Katerina didn't lie when she said the cook was great, he hasn't eaten such a good pie in a long while. He returned the ribbon. Yet again they ended up talking about random topics until nightfall when Katerina returned to her home and _accidentally_ left a teaspoon behind.

Day after day after day, that cunning woman always found an outlet to have him return one way or another. And he had to admit that with every day, he grew to anticipate their meeting more. For the first time in a long while, there was a place where he was always welcome.

Here he was again watching the sun by her side. "You said that you live with your brother, but how come I have never seen him before?" Or any servants on that matter. Didn't they fear that she might get hurt or kidnapped?

She let out a small giggle, she often did. "My brother is a terribly busy person, most of the time he's cooped up in his office. You see the window with the purple curtains?" she asked pointing at a window upstairs. "That's his office. He rarely comes out. He's just that absorbed in his work. He's a scientist and inventor."

Adam spared a glance at the still place then his gaze travelled back to Katerina's sorrowfully smiling face. Unconsciously, the woman rested her hands on her stomach, like every time she trailed off.

It was obvious why, but Adam felt the need to ask. "Are you with a child?"

Katerina jumped at the question, her pink blush a distinct giveaway. Her face slipped into a sad smile. "Yes. I only realised recently."

Suddenly it all made sense: Katerina's kindness, the fact that she was kilometres away from human society. The realisation infiltrated rage and revulsion within the Earl.

Katerina got pregnant before she was married. This was an ultimate atrocity in the eyes of society, especially for nobles. Noble women were generally nothing more than pawns to gain power for their family. It was disgusting how her own family cast her aside now that she served no use. Those wretched people, blinded by the concept of power forgot love. It was even worse.

Back in his days marriage was nothing more than a pact. Two people who trusted each other bid their lives together and if they couldn't cooperate, they simply moved on. It wasn't rare for people to divorce and remarry or have half-siblings, people took no shame in it. Love and marriage wasn't the same, there were times when the two met, but it wasn't common.

But now everything is hidden under a sickeningly - poisonously - sweet sugar-coat, brainwashing people into believing that marriage was _love_. That marriage was _holy_ , not just a contact. That once you committed yourself to someone stay by their side forever and bear the pain it causes. There's no escape. If you dare to disobey the rules, you'll be discarded.

 _Just the exact same way his own people had forsaken him._

Just how long has it been since she was banished here? How long was she forced to endure this isolation? When was the last time that so-called brother even _looked_ at her?

The reason why she initiated contact with him wasn't out of naivety as he first predicted. The reason why she approached him; the reason why she picked that hat up was because she recognised a fellow lonely person. Katerina too was alone, even if she had her family nearby. She was a lone bird caged within her own solitude, slowly waiting to rot away, while her heart broke for her missing her beloved. When she laid eyes on his weeping face she empathise with him, she wanted to help him. She didn't want to be alone and didn't want to leave him alone. And maybe she too needed Adam's help as much as he needed hers.

Catching himself, the Earl quickly squashed those feelings. He didn't want to sympathise with this human. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. Still, he couldn't help but ask. The situation was just too similar. "What happened to the father?"

She smiled through her obvious pain. "He left to help relatives who got mixed up in the revolutions that swept across Europe. He said once he got his family out of danger he'd return to my side." He never did. It was unsaid, but he understood. He had his part in the incident.

Before guilt could even consider arising, he quickly diverted the attention. "Have you thought of names already?"

She shook her head. "Not really." She laughed nervously as she caressed her stomach. "Maybe Amelia or Lucia if it's a girl… And I haven't thought of a baby boy. It's rare to have one born in this family."

Adam closed his eyes to force back the surge of unwanted memories that refused to fade even after seventy hundred years. He still remembered her face, flushed from the happiness they were blessed with. The treasure they have been waiting for… only to have it ripped away… And then that person, whom he loved and trusted with his life yet he allied with the Heart, his once friend-

"Allen." That was his name. The old enemy-turned-friend. The person he swore he'd never forgive… yet he could never really hate.

 _Everything was because of the damned Innocence._

"Allen?" Katerina retorted then repeated again, trying the foreign name. "Allen. Allen Campbell." A smile crept on her face. "I like the way it sounds." She said softly.

Adam's gaze lingered on her, then turned his eyes back to the sunset. Why did she have to be so much like him?

"So…" Katerina spoke up, trying to prod gently. "Who was Allen?"

Was. She knew that he was already dead. Some intuition she had. "...I'd rather not talk about it," he replied curtly.

She hummed in reply. "...I see. It still hasn't healed, huh?"

Adam nodded in confirmation. It was unnerving yet comforting how much she understood. The way she could touch people's heart is just a proof how lonely she is. "...I wonder if it ever will." He admitted quietly.

 _It won't._

Yet again, he felt tears burn his eyes.

 _This pain won't go._

He jumped feeling the pressure of a warm hand on his back and those have those sorrowful, understanding brown eyes bore into him. "It's alright. I'm sure it's painful… so let it all out."

As if a dam was broken through, tears shamelessly forced their way through his tearducts. He dipped his head forward, so his bangs would hide his face. In that moment he realised the truth.

This woman was dangerous. More than any of the pesky Innocence could be. She was already through his defensive walls and was making her way over.

He was careless. He underestimated her because she was a mere human. She thought because she was weaponless she was harmless.

How foolish of him. Didn't he learn from his past mistake? It was the same as with Allen.

He had to leave _now_.

He had to get away as fast as he could. But he could see it, he could feel it. She didn't want him to go.

And neither did he.

His train of thought was derailed when he hears Katerina let out a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry, the temperature turned cold all of sudden."

Great, he didn't need to make excuses. "You should head back. It's not good to stay out in your condition."

A flash of surprise lit up in Katerina's eyes, before it smoothened out into her usual gentle warmth. Her hand found its way to her stomach again. Something was not right. "How kind of you to care for a child that's not your blood."

Adam nodded. "Naturally. Children are the treasure of mankind."

"Treasure you say..." she murmured sorrowfully.

Adam frowned at the tone. Could it be?

No. They wouldn't. They'd never-

Yes, they would. Humans caused nothing but destruction. They kill indiscriminately: men, women, sick, old, children. They did countless times, didn't they?

He forced his anger down. "They want to abort it, don't they?"

The resigned smile failed to mask her agony. "I'm scared." she admitted, her voice trembling as she tried to keep herself together. "I don't want to give up the only thing left of him… But I know that his child has no future."

 _Give up, Adam, this family has no future._

The old, long ago buried raged exploded out of its confines, the wrath ran through his veins like liquid fire.

A foetus. They wanted to end a foetus regardless of its mother's wishes. They were willing to sacrifice a potential life to save the reputation of the family. Worst is that Katrina is still considered lucky, he knew of cases when the pregnant person was killed as a punishment.

 _Unforgivenable_.

"Tomorrow the poppies will bloom." Katerina noted, fake cheeriness in her voice. "Are you going to stay to bear witness?" _Are you going to leave now that you know the truth?_

The Earl turned his gaze away from those imploring eyes. "If that's what you want then keep it. You're the parent. You're the one who should decide whether you want to raise a child or not."

Surprise was written all over Katerina's face, which was soon followed by relief and gratefulness."Adam… Thank you. For everything. Also… if you feel that you can trust me I will gladly listen to your story."

Adam found himself open his mouth to speak, only to snap it shut. He couldn't believe that he almost let his greatest secrets slip. But he knew why, Katerina didn't belong to the rotten society that rules this world, she was an outcast. Just like him. Maybe, just maybe, if he told her about his plan, would she understand? Would she approve? Questions were swirling in his head at a pace that left him dizzy. Perhaps this is what he needed too. To have someone to accept who he was.

"Alright," he accepted, his heart hammering in his chest. Even if Katerina was practically an angel there was no telling if she understood why he did and does what he does. "Tomorrow," he promised. "Tomorrow I will tell you. Go home for now, you need to stay healthy for your child.

Katerina's gaze oozed concern but she nodded. "Alright. But promise me to not run. No matter what you did, I want to help you the same way you just did."

"I promise."

Katerina gave him a smile, then left for her mansion. Adam watched her until she disappeared behind the doors, then returned to his accommodation, his brain already working on how to present his story.

XXX

The next day he arrived at their spot much earlier than discussed and did his best to force down his anxiety.

He was a mess. He didn't know Katerina's reaction. There was that looming terror, the possibility that Katerina might resist. In that case, he would have no other choice but to kill her.

A shiver ran down on his spine as he attempted to contain his haywire thoughts. Fists clenched and unclenched as he waited for Katerina to show up. The sun was still high in the sky, bathing the wheat in warmth with red and white poppies in their full bloom, scattered everywhere. It was as stunning as ever, as if this scene wouldn't become disastrous any second, as if the white poppies wouldn't be dyed in the red of Katerina's freshly spilt blood-

 _No_ , he shook his head, that won't happen. She will understand. She _had_ to. _Please_ , his heart whispered, yearned, **begged** : _please understand. Don't make me kill you._

He wanted to laugh hysterically at the pathetic situation he as in. Here he was, wishing for acceptance, for forgiveness that will never come. He, who killed billions now trembled in fear over one life. How far he had fallen.

He wanted to win this war. He wanted to win more than anything. After all the sacrifices he did he didn't settle for anything less. He will do everything to save what's his.

But at the same time, he yearned for this. He yearned for the peace that he knew he'd never see. A simple life where he could watch his children play in the endless wheatfield. That reality was unachievable but at least he wanted to see Katerina and her equally forsaken child could live happily.

His heart missed a beat when his sensitive Noah ear picked up the slightest crunch as Katerina headed towards him. His pulse was drumming earnestly with every step she took.

 _Please, say yes._

 _Please, accept who I am._

 _I can't bear it if you betray me too._

 _If you don't_

She was right behind him.

 _My Heart will break in two._

XXX

 _Something inside him broke._

XXX

When Katerina reached the tree, freshly plucked poppies in her hand Adam wasn't there.

 _What was left there was the wind... and-_

A single teardrop escaped her eye seeing the man's clothes scattered around. In his place were left two infants.

XXX

Katerina took in the two children and raised them as her own, to make sure that the last vestiges of him wouldn't disappear like he did. Meanwhile, she made sure that the other vestige was growing within her peacefully. She would give birth to this child, whether her family wanted it or not.

It was better if they hated her for keeping it, than ending up hating herself for casting aside her baby. No matter what hardships she had to endure, she would definitely raise these children.

XXX

It was a mistake. Mana and Neah were a huge mistake.

"Katerina."

It's been 17 years. 17 years since they last seen each other.

Mana and Neah grew up splendidly, they were wonderful children. In the meanwhile she learned about a lot.

Noah. Innocence. Black Order. Millennium Earl. The Holy War. The truth behind Adam, Mana and Neah.

But even she had to know _why_.

She truly believed that this was a sign. An indicator that the birth of the two meant that the Earl wanted to change. He wanted to acquire something and she had a good idea what.

In the end he was a man who dedicated his life to his obligations. He would achieve his goal… no matter what. No matter who he had to sacrifice.

The fact that he returned proved this. She stood her ground gazing at the twisted clown costume which Adam possessed.

"Did you, perhaps find your way back home?" she asked, glancing in his eyes.

"...No," he admitted, struggling to sound as detached as possible. It was hard. "But it's a path I must take in order to put an end to this madness. And regretfully, you're standing right in the middle of it." He ignored the pain of seeing tears burn her brown irises."In order to proceed I have to get rid of you."

The sorrow made Karena close her eyes; it hurt a lot to see someone she cared for like this.

In the end she couldn't save him.

"So that's your answer, huh."

"Yes."

 _Something inside him broke._

The only sound was the gust of wind. She closed her eyes sighing resigned.

 _No…_ _ **He**_ _broke._

 _But he didn't care._

"I have a favour to ask. My children and my brother… please spare the-" She didn't get to finish her last request, instead of words warm blood escaped her lips. She realised in horror that she was stabbed by a wide broadsword. She let out a pained gasp when it was dislodged from her. She stumbled back and slid down on the trunk of the tree. Her darkening eyes turned to Adam for a last time. Her breathing slowed as her bloody lips quirking upwards as she formed her last words. "As I thought… you're...still...lost...aren...t you…?" A gentle surge of breeze rose, drifting Katerina's her final breath away.

Adam yet again found himself standing by the matusaleah alone.

XXX

Dear Gray Man revolves around tragedies, so I don't find it impossible that there was a tragedy before Mana and Neah being "born". Also, this might be an explanation how Allen got dragged into all this, he might be the true head of the Campbell family. To me it seems that Katerina too is the type of woman who smiles through her pain, like Allen. It would be interesting if it turned out that Katerina was Allen's mother. And by interesting, I mean painful. Tell me in the reviews what you think.


End file.
